Why Men Love Bitches: The Truth

 

Ladies… I have a confession: I messed around and caught feelings recently. Everything was PERFECT! MAGIC! B-E-Y-O-N-D! So what did I do…? I ran that bish STRAIGHT into the ground! How, you ask? By regressing from “dream girl” to “doormat” quicker than you can say “desperate.” I thought that maybe, for once, I should try the whole “no games” thing. After-all, I am {{allegedly}} an adult now. That’s what you’re supposed to do… Right? Wrong! I’m here to tell you that that was the ABSOLUTE WORST IDEA I HAVE EVER HAD!

Maybe we should first start by re-defining the word “game” in this context. I do not suggest playing with people’s feelings or using covert tactics to make someone obsessed with you. Everything I’m going to share today is actually not a game at all… Rather, the proper steps you should take when you begin dating someone to ensure that you are putting your best self out there, accepting ONLY gentlemanly behavior & not losing your life {or mind} in the process of {potentially} falling in love! While we’re at it, let’s also re-define the word “bitch.” The bitch is sexy, elusive, charming, and has a “devil may care” attitude. She has that certain je ne sais quois. She is confident and sure of herself. She knows what she brings to the table, so she is not afraid to eat alone. “The bitch is nice. In fact, she is sweet as a Georgia peach. She smiles & she is feminine. She just doesn’t make decisions based on the fear of losing a man…”

As a woman, there is only one book that you MUST read if you want to achieve any success with men in this lifetime. Consider “Why Men Love Bitches” the Millennial’s holy transcript of dating. A divine instance occurred last week as I was packing for my LDW weekend getaway. I kept racking my brain about what I was doing wrong to push him away {{everything}} while digging through my lululemon drawer in search of my ‘country club chic’ tennis skirts. {{Yes, I developed temporary insanity & decided that if I transformed myself into “PG EG” aka Wifey-type, maybe THAT would grant me a “happily ever after!” What was next? Arts and f#$%ing crafts?}} By the grace of God, Cupid, Aphrodite and Chris Harrison himself, I stumbled upon something that I wish I would’ve found months earlier: WHY. MEN. LOVE. BITCHES. Ahhhh the OG manual to the male species. I swear I heard a choir sing as I opened up to page 1 and read, “Every woman has felt embarrassed by appearing too needy to a man. Every woman has had a man pursue her, only to lose interest the moment she gave in…” Say no more fam. The packing of my finest floral sundresses could wait… I had a book to study.

You Shouldn’t PLAY Hard To Get-You Should BE Hard To Get.
There is nothing sexier to a man than a woman with her own life & ambitions. Pause, Bad B who read this, and think about all the things who make you YOU. Your traditions with your friends {{No man will EVER come between me, Hayley, and our Monday night Bachelor/gossip fest!!}} Your workouts, your weeknight routines, your dog, your shows, your cooking, your reading, your face masks, your favorite weekend activities, you know… the stuff that you LOVE! As women, when we meet someone that we really really like, we naturally want to spend every free moment with them. Getting to know someone new is such a fun, exciting time & I know firsthand that it feels like you just can’t get enough… But they can. You see, men fall in love in your absence: when they daydream and fantasize about how wonderful you are & how you make them feel like a King when they’re in your presence. So you should be stingy with your time, after-all, you have your job, goals, girlfriends, workouts, shows, books, sleep… LIFE to keep up with! As much as you’re tempted to cancel all your plans to accommodate him all the time, don’t. “This isn’t about playing hard to get. Keep it real. Force yourself to keep the routine you had before you met him. Once you lose your rhythm, you lose your psychological equilibrium and you become needy.” If it’s meant to be, he isn’t going anywhere! I like to think, “I have ALLLLLLLL the time in the world” and honestly, I always like someone 100X more if I don’t get to see them often. As for calling/texting, don’t be so eager and prompt ALL of the time. Leave him guessing a little. Because you’re so busy living your life anyways that you aren’t always sitting around tending to text messages! {{PS. Boys, we LOVE a good phone call…}}

All this being said, there’s a fine line between being intriguingly unavailable & downright annoying by taking centuries to respond. This is 2018, no one… and I mean NO ONE goes over 2 hours without looking at their phone. A good story about this is: one of my great guy friends is arguably the biggest Playboy of all time & I have NEVER seen him sweat. Until one day, this girl came along and all of a sudden he was convinced that she was the BEST thing to ever hit this town– he wanted to lock her down & make her his gf before anyone else could. He pursued her with genuine interest {uncommon for this cat} but still in the cool, calm, collected way that he always does. But I think SHE saw this as a situation where she had to play hard to get if she wanted to win him over. Her problem? She played 26923X TOO hard to get and it drove him absolutely NUTSO. Suddenly, this chick who really didn’t have that much going on before, would take 5+ hours to respond. TOO extra. In all of our years of friendship, this dude was neverrrr one to panic over a girl and/or question his every move with her. {Relatable} As his designated therapist of the moment, I spent hundreds of billable hours on the phone with him, attempting to walk him through the female psyche & every possible scenario as to why she was acting this way. So what did he do? As a man, competitive by nature, it quickly became his life’s mission to “win” at this “game.” Unfortunately for her, he’s really really good at this game– the game he never intended to play with HER. Ultimately, she fell for him. He won. And in the blink of an eye, he was bored & already on to the next one.
Moral of the story: If you treat people like a game, don’t be surprised if they flip the script and show you how well it can be played.

Move Slow: Preferably At A Snail’s Pace.
DON’T. GIVE. IT. UP. Even if he says that nothing will change between you if you hookup {{It will.}} Even if he says things are different with you {{They’re not.}} Even if he promises you the world & says whatever he says, in any language… DO NOT DO IT TOO SOON!!! The funniest thing about it all, is that men actually DON’T want to hook up with a quality girl right away. Even though they will TRY to 10 times out of 10, they secretly WANT you to shut them down so that they can continue the chase. I P-R-O-M-I-S-E you sister, if you drop your skivvies within the first 3 dates… he will drop YOU. Even if you look like Candice Swanepool. Even if he’s had a crush on you for YEARS. Even if your cookie is on tsunami, do not be fooled… If you don’t come correct, it will be over before it even started. My favorite excerpts on this ultra, potentially MOST IMPORTANT topic:

One dude speaks for them all: “If she gives it up too soon, we stop with the romance and stop working at it. And truthfully, we’d rather be working hard at it. We enjoy playing the game, and if it ends too soon, we’re disappointed. We even struggle inside, subconsciously. We know we want to get it, but we want the girl to make us wait. Otherwise, it’s a one- or two time thing. And then you move on.”

“How long should you wait before having sex? As long as you can. At the very least, keep it platonic for the first month. This tactic gives you time to learn about him. You don’t want to wait until after you sleep with him to learn he’s married. Or that he has an ex-girlfriend with chronic car problems who regularly needs a lift. Giving up the candy store one jujube at a time isn’t about being celibate or virginal. It is about ensuring that you look out for #1. It ensures that the man develops a habit of putting forth effort so that you can be treated the way you want to be treated.”

“Not having sex right away is about playing your cards right so that small things matter. This is when he’ll get a chill down his spine because you gently hold his hand in a public place. Or he’ll call you several times just to get a glimpse of you. And in his mind, you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. It’s all about having that magic spark. And men live for that spark. Sex & the “spark” are not the same.”

“Men like the game that women find maddening. Picture the following scenario: A red-blooded American male is watching a Super Bowl game in which the score is 47 to 3. Not very exciting, right? But if he’s watching a game that goes into overtime– now he’s on the edge of his seat for 3 hours. His team triumphs and he starts screaming: “Yes! Yes!” His favorite sports idol is now spanking everyone else on the rear while he’s breaking out the drinks for a celebration. If you were to ask him about that game-winning final play years later, he would describe it as if it happened yesterday. The same happens when a woman gives herself over slowly. He becomes much more excited about it.”

Guys, this book is SOOOO laugh out loud funny and filled with the BEST dating advice out there! I could only cover 2 of the many topics without turning this into a full on novel as well lol. Shall we do a part 2 in the near future?! A book club, perhaps!? Regardless, I recommend PRIMING it immediately! 😉

As for me, in the end, it didn’t work out. I guess it was too much, too soon…. And in the same breath: too little, too late. A crewneck sweater nor any other last ditch efforts weren’t enough to redeem all of the cringe-worthy “nice girl” mistakes we made right from the start. Sometimes you just forget who you are, you know?! But like everything else in my life, I’m so grateful for the experience because it showed me that my little heart isn’t so cold, afterall. I didn’t know that I was even capable of feeling the butterflies and electric excitement from just holding hands anymore. It gave me a glimmer of hope and a sneak preview of the REAL THING that’s in store for me in the future. Just not right now. Like Lady Antebellum’s song of the summer, “I think it’s time to take a heart break” and focus on ME for awhile. My dreams are bigger than ever, and right now- that’s the only thing worth chasing.

XO


XO
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