My Ultimate Spring Training Guide

There comes a time in every cool chick’s life where she wakes up one day & no longer craves blacking out at Mango Deck Cabo in the springtime. It’s a pivotal moment where her and her besties pow-wow over kale salads at True Food to decide where they should show off their bikini bods instead, this time in a more sophisticated way. When this happens to you, don’t be basic and choose to ride beach cruisers through the barren desert streets of Palm Springs or white girl wobble through Napa… Instead, take your Girl’s Tour to Scottsdale, AZ for a Spring Training manhunt.

As a native Phoenician and self-proclaimed girl’s girl, I feel inclined to release a PSA to all single girls around our great nation: Scottsdale during Spring Training is where ALL the hot young eligible bachelors are hiding! Each March, I witness a giant intimidating flood of men invade my beloved city. The bars (all 500) are stampeded with a 10:1 ratio of guys on their annual “boys trip” from all over the country. Spring Training in AZ is the elevated frat daddy’s Holy Mecca, where pilgrimage with their bros is made year after year. But where are the ladies!? It’s time you meet the man of your dreams the old fashioned way… at a bar.

Where to Stay: W Scottsdale, Valley Ho, The Saguaro
Where to Brunch: Olive&Ivy, The Henry, R&R
Where to Cocktail: Diego Pops, Montauk, Kelly’s
Where to Party: WET @ The W, Spring Training, Bottled Blonde, Bevvy

What to Wear: The aesthetic in Scotty is casual chic. The rising temps make it an unspoken rule that the shorts and dresses may inch shorter, but be careful to not take it overboard, this is not Vegas. With thousands of eligible bachelors around, you want to attract ’em… but for all the right reasons! Go for feminine and cute, nothing overtly sexual. Yes, its true that the cocktail waitresses wear less than most strippers, but you shouldn’t too! We invented Sunday Funday (don’t fight me on this) and it’s something you must partake in. Book the first flight out Monday morning.

Rule #1: Say NO to sloppy! Partying from day to night is a marathon, and should be trained for like one as well 😉 With Coachella just one short month away, Spring Training is the perfect place to prep your liver. Day drinking is a true art/science, and my algorithm goes as follows: 2 cocktails at a long brunch to get nice & sassy for the afternoon activity (pool or baseball game), 2 at said activity, food and water break, change ensembles *sober-ish… crooked eye liner is not chic* and then congratulations! You made it to the main event in one piece, composed, fresh & fly, ready to get after it! I’m a huge advocate of the wardrobe change, IE) Don’t wear your baseball cap & sweaty V to the bar at night… the game was at noon. You will witness many fallen lady soldiers venture over to Slopsville over the course of the day, most taking the form of dancing like a male dog in heat. Bid them adieu and say a short silent prayer that that won’t be you.

Rule #2: Don’t fraternize with the players. Just don’t. Most likely he’s a rookie in the minor leagues playing in ho-dunk USA & definitely not making enough per year to support your severe Sephora addiction. Or even Starbucks addiction for that matter. Big leaguers are married or have 17 girlfriends. Just say no. Very sad I know, as they are very tall hard-bodied specimens, but just trust me when I say that they are 100% a waste of your precious Spring Training time.

Rule #3: Nothing good happens after 2. When El Hefe starts playing Taking Back Sunday at 1:57 AM, that’s your cue to round up the troops and head back to your hotel- bitches only. You may feel an air of sweet nostalgia bringing you back to the summer of 2006 drinking Natty Ice under the stars with your high school sweetheart, but that doesn’t mean you should go lean in to the nearest man with a pulse for a makeout sesh. Grab some tacos, hop in the nearest golf cart cab, and laugh with your gals all the way home about how you’re going to #WasteHisTime2018 (kidding, boys!)

Fit Bitch Challenge: If you’re a savage and can shake off 17 skinny margs the morning after like a champ, hike Camelback Mountain Saturday morning before brunch. There are abs. Lots & lots of abs… shirtless hotties & fab scenic photo ops. I mean… if you’re into that sort of thing! Me? I’ve only done it once because someone bet me a pair of lululemon pants that I couldn’t. Still wear the pants to this day as a trophy of my perseverance.

There you have it, ladies! My tried and true tips for the ultimate rage fest in Arizona. You’ll notice that I didn’t mention much about actually spectating any baseball, and why? Because its the least important part of it all, duh! Enjoy & PLEASE send me recaps of your adventures. XOXO

XO
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  • […] have a confession to make… I lied to you. You see, on February 26, 2018 I was quoted here stating, “There comes a time in every cool chick’s life where she no longer craves blacking out […]

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